Today is also Michael's second birthday. Happy Birthday, my little miracle man!
It's his beginning, his first day, of being a two year old. He couldn't be any sweeter.
It's the beginning of something else; it is a Day 1 for me. It begins again.
Yesterday, as I was sitting in Sunday school class, a very Godly man shared this verse, Lamentations 3:19-26.
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
This passage of scripture brought tears to my eyes (which is actually a rare thing for me, most of the time). I still remember the bitter taste of the last two times, the feeling of being utterly lost. This scripture captures those feelings perfectly. I love that this psalmist turns his downcast face to the ray of hope. God's compassions are new every morning; we shall not be consumed. And we were not consumed. And that gives me hope. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. Girl, lift up your face... salvation is coming. I don't know what it looks like but I know it is coming.
So, after the shock (well, how shocked can I be, really, after all this time) that today is indeed Day 1, I called IRH. I have a blood draw scheduled for Wednesday, and then I begin the long protocol (bcps, oh how I hate those things - so counter-intuitive to be taking them during an attempt to get pregnant... lol). Last time we tried the short protocol and it was a pretty dismal failure. So, my RE is going back to what's worked in the past. Of course, I remember him saying that the short protocol was better, less suppressive. Oh, I pray we are on the right track here. Trust, girl, trust. God's hand is in this. He knows what He's doing.
I know my TOH girls read here regularly. Let me just say that your love and support are so greatly needed and deeply appreciated. I had given the link to some other friends and family but I think they have all stopped reading. If they are still reading, I thank them and I love them. This is all strictly on the down low right now; not many people know. We may end up telling more people or we may not. Telling people is so difficult and we've had some cases of some not being supportive and that has left us wounded and confused. We get it, though. We know that many cannot relate or just don't know what to say to us. It's just that with going through so much, we simply choose not to deal with that. One thing I've learned is that no matter how well meaning someone is, the wrong word (or even the right word) at the wrong time can hurt deeply. If you are reading, I ask that you pray for us. Pray for God's mighty hand to be over us.
Well, I reckon that's enough for tonight. Love to you all...