Trust. That's the word I heard in the early morning hours when all was quiet. I thanked God for the precious gift of that Word. I wondered if He meant that I needed to trust Him or was there someone or something else I was supposed to trust. After a bumpy, hormonal morning where nothing seems to come easy, I'm thinking He means to trust Him. People make me crazy sometimes; really, they do. If I'm teaching someone how to do an algebra problem, I can be the most patient and understanding of teachers. But, when it comes to matters of the heart, I am so easily hurt, doubly so with all these hormones pumping through my body. The only exceptions to this rule are Jason and Michael; as Martha Stewart would say, that's a good thing :) I often make the mistake of looking to the world for comfort and love when it's Christ that I need to run to. How many times do I have to learn this lesson? Tenth Avenue North says it beautifully...
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Why do we try to earn what cannot be earned? Why do we compare our road to another person's road? In moments of clarity, I am thankful for my broken road, for it has led me to Michael and to Jason. Of course, there are moments when I am so mad that I am not "normal". Nope not normal, never have been, never will be. Never. But, God blesses my broken road.
I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I was re-reading the post I put up yesterday, and it dawned on me that most people have no earthly clue what all the IVF techno-babble means. I've been living in this fishbowl for so long that it all seems rather obvious. I am going to shamelessly copy a few paragraphs and pictures from IRH's website to explain a little better (IRH is the IVF clinic we go to). Yes, the teacher-geek in me is coming out.
In its simplest term, IVF is simply the uniting of egg and sperm in vitro (in the lab). Subsequently the embryos are transferred into the uterus through the cervix and pregnancy is allowed to begin. A typical IVF cycle begins with shutting down the ovaries. The next phase involves stimulation of the ovaries with potent ovulation medications to stimulate the development of several eggs. These injections are given for approximately 10 days. When the eggs are ready for harvesting, a final step is to give hCG to induce final maturation. The eggs are then harvested by a process called ultrasound guided vaginal retrieval. Under moderate sedation, and with ultrasound guidance, a thin needle is passed a short distance into the ovaries and the eggs are suctioned from the follicles. Typically 5-15 eggs are collected. Then sperm are released into the petri dish to fertilize the egg. If the sperm will not fertilize the eggs naturally we can perform intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). This procedure involves injecting one sperm directly into the egg.
Below is a mature egg. The red arrow points to the polar body; that's the indication that the egg is mature enough to fertilize. We are praying for as many of these as possible.
This next photo shows a single sperm being injected into an egg during ICSI. Our eggs will be undergoing ICSI as well as assisted hatching (due to my age). After 35, eggs are assumed to be tougher and to need the extra help hatching after fertilization.
These are embryos 3 days after fertilization. This is what we are hoping to see. My last 2 IVF cycles, we have done day-2 transfers. We may also do a day-2 transfer this time. It all depends on the number of embryos we have.
The science of it all is so beautiful; totally shows how awesome God is. Only He could create us this way, and only He could give us the knowledge to understand enough to be able to attempt to overcome infertility.
Well, I'd say that's enough for today. I take my Ovidrel (hCG) tonight at 8. We'll be praying for all the little eggs to mature in time for the procedure on Wednesday.