Saturday, July 17, 2010

Past the half way mark of the two week wait

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls. But, pass it does. Even for me.

The past week was busy, and busy was good, and even fun. It's good to be distracted. We keep praying for her... for every cell division.

Lots on my mind tonight. My 20 year high school reunion is going on as I type, several hundred miles away. I hadn't planned to make the trip for obvious reasons, and I didn't really enjoy my 10 year reunion that much. Don't get me wrong, I went to school with some really wonderful people. It's just been so long and my life is so different now (and I am in touch with the really special friends). It is nostalgic though to remember... who I was... not even a Christian then... just the smart girl that rode horses instead of chasing boys (well, okay there was one or two but I wasn't in any danger of catching them and for that I am so thankful).

Things with my dad are getting worse. He's back in the hospital and it doesn't look too good. He's trying to make his peace with everyone; he doesn't believe he'll come home this time. We talked more about his salvation and we did get into some detail. He said the right words and I pray that the heart matches. I was talking to my sister today about all this... I feel like I should feel much more than I do about this... it's so hard to conjure up any feelings. Have I just been through too much loss to feel it any more or am I harboring grudges from his past hurts (far too many to enumerate)? Is it the distance or the fact that he hasn't been much of a part of my life the last 10 years? Or is it God giving me a peace? I tend to think it's the Lord because whatever has me in this place is far beyond my understanding.

So, I'm here still. Hanging on to Scriptures and praying for my "little sweetheart". I love her so much already...

3 comments:

  1. You've been in my prayers!!! Same for your dad...praying the heart matches too! I know that must be a strain for you as you are worried about his health!

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  2. Thought about you and your little sweetheart today. :)

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  3. I hope that your dad's heart does match the words. Perhaps it's because you know it is coming that you have more peace about it? I'm not sure but I pray that God continues to be with you.

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