Okay, so maybe being alone isn't good for me... I think too much but at least I haven't broken any pill bottles today. I couldn't paste on a smile for church today. I knew worship would reduce me to a puddle of tears.
Today is July 25th. I woke up to find my body is doing what it's supposed to do after a failed cycle, but it was like a final nail in the coffin for this embryo. No more irrational fantasies that maybe they were wrong. Not only that, had our twins lived, this would have been our due date. Instead of delivering beautiful babies, I am trying to pick up the pieces of a failed cycle. It's not fair. We were never promised fair. It still sucks though.
I've been working on my long list of questions for my doctor when I see him Tuesday. What else is there to say? All I can say is that I love my husband and I love my son. That's the good I am holding on to. God is with me, I know. I don't feel or hear him, but I know He's got to be there. Right?
He is...you're being held.
ReplyDeleteI won't lie and say that it wouldn't be nice to have that physical and tangible proof of that, though, so my prayer for you continues to be that God makes His presence to you known in a mighty way and that you are wrapped up in His peace.
I wish I could come give you a big hug and even though you are alone in the physical sense, you're heavily surrounded by love and prayer!
xoxo
Missy,
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say, because there is nothing that can take away the hurt you are feeling right now. Nothing about the situation you are facing is fair, and no part of this makes sense here on Earth. But God is there - He is with you and He feels your pain and sorrow. Hold onto the precious gifts He has given you and know that you are surrounded by people who love you. We love you!